'Tis the Season...

. . . For ex's to get in touch with you in the guise of wishing you happy holidays. . . Four, count them FOUR ex love interests have contacted me in the last two days. . . . The thing about deleting numbers is that just because you take that step, doesn't mean that they will. . . . Which is fine. . . . But holy cow. . .  People I haven't talked to in MONTHS are suddenly interested in how me and A are.. First of all, don't use my daughter as a way of feigning interest. . . She's my soft spot that will forever be guarded with a brick wall and barbed wire fence. . . Using her will only piss me off. . .  You've been warned. . . .

Of course hearing from them wasn't all bad. . . Just confusing, painful and great all at the same time. . . I miss some of them in warped ways. . . . But they're exes for a reason. . . . And while I wish for different futures with some of them. . . I have to stop living in the what ifs. . . And boy are there a lot of them. . .

There's the possibility of someone else right now. . . And while the theory of it sounds great in my head and maybe on paper. . . I'm still nervous as HECK about the changes it could entail. . . And today I'm second guessing it all as a whole. . . but that's too long of a story. . .  We'll just take it one day at a time . . . 

Christmas was WONDERFUL. . . It was a whirlwind of craziness, but what holiday isn't? The holidays haven't been "exciting" for a long time. . . Of course there was the "me, me, me, I want, I want, I want" aspect of it to look forward to, but the meaning of the holiday stopped mattering so much when I was in high school. . . But now that I have A. . . I feel like a kid again. . .  The change of the weather, the way E. L. glows like a spot light from all the decorated houses, presents piling up under the tree. . . It's almost hard not to believe in Santa any more as much as we talk about him. . . . From start to finish, the holiday was wonderful and I'm so thankful for everything and everyone I have in my life to make it special. . .

Now it's time to look forward to a New Year. . . No plans as of yet. . . Kind of bittersweet. . . . My mom changed her weekend schedule in order to watch A and for me to take advantage of the holiday. . .  Another reason to count her as an awesome mom and G-ma. . . But no one to spend it with or plans to do anything as of yet so I may just spend the night at home. . . Which wouldn't be a problem if Lynn was old enough to keep my company. . . Instead it'll be a night to lay in bed and reflect on the year. . .  Not sure how I feel about that with all the ups and downs it had. . .  But 2012 will be an awesome year. . .  If I can turn around the 2011 around like I did, I know I can make 2012 my year!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!! <3 YOU TO YOU ALL!!!

The one that got away...

I heard a song and thought of you the other day. And haven't been able to stop since. My heart physically hurts thinking about how I messed up. I wish I could take it back.
I miss you. And I hate myself for the way things turned out between us.
And the only person I have to blame is myself... I knew this would happen... I knew that I would end up screwing up with you... Having a guy like you in my life would have been a blessing for me and A.. and it was while it lasted.
I regret pushing you away. And all for some bozo who couldn't care less about me, but that I couldn't get over for some reason. *sigh* It took me some time but I'm finally where I wanted to be when it comes to him. And now it's too late.

So I sit here, wishing that I could take back the months I held you at bay.. I wish I had realized what I had in front of me sooner than this. 

Most of all, I wish you all the happiness in the world because you're one of the mythical good guys fairy tales are truly based on and you deserve it.


Just A Kiss Lyrics
Lyin' here with you so close to me
It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
Caught up in this moment
Caught up in your smile

I've never opened up to anyone
So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms
We don't need to rush this
Let's just take this slow

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

I know that if we give this a little time
It will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
It's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight

No I don't want to say goodnight
I know it's time to leave, but you'll be in my dreams
Tonight
Tonight
Tonight

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
And I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, oh, let's do this right, with just a kiss goodnight
With a kiss goodnight
Kiss goodnight


This will always be your song...