How can a person be numb yet ache so much?
My boss passed away today. We knew it was coming. We've known for a while; afterall, it was around this time last year that she was diagnosed with cancer.
It doesn't make it easier.
To respect the family's privacy, I will not name names. Those of you who knew her, don't need the added effort. Those of you who didn't? Depending on the circumstances of you finding this post, I can't help but feel as if you missed out. I know life obviously couldn't lead each of your individual paths to connect with hers, but for those of us who had the fortune.. we were lucky. Oh so very lucky. And that's putting is mildly.
If ever there was an angel that walked the Earth, it was her.
H.M: I say this now, and will say it always - Thank you. If ever there was a person I could call a role model, it was you. With our personal lives being so similar, it was never a question why I would connect to you on such a level that far surpasses the standard boss/employee relationship. You were more than a boss to me. You were a friend. It's not fair.. the way you were taken from this world. From the people who love and cherished you dearly. By all accounts, you are one of the best people I have ever had the chance to meet. I'll never be able to repay you, in this life or the next, for giving me a fighting chance. A fighting chance to support my daughter and make a life for us. She may not remember you in the future, but she will definitely know your name.
I didn't do enough. A guilt I'll live with for the rest of my life. But knowing you and your strength, you never would have let me do more.
I find solace in the fact that you're not in pain anymore. That you're in a place where your unwaivering faith undoubtedly led you to be. Yet at the same time, I selfishly wish I had more time with you. There's so much more advice and wisdom to be had.
There's so much more to say, but the words are a blur in front of my eyes as I try to show how much you will forever mean to me. There are no words strong enough anyway.
I hope to lead a life you would be proud of. I promise to do nothing less than my best.
I'm a better person for having met you; for having you in my life.
I make this vow to you, for you:
Never again will I take those in my life for granted. For better or worse, they're in my life for a reason. I will value each and every one of them. I'll live every day to the fullest, never knowing when my last day may be. I will speak kindly and love unconditionally. I will accept the good as well as the bad, and be reminded that when I have it tough, someone always has it worse.
I love you. I miss you so much and you haven't been gone but a few hours. Gone but never forgotten.
