Have I convinced you that I'm ok? Or have you seen through the false bravdo that I put upon myself to accept the challenge of us as 'friends'?
As much as I wish it could be true. . . It isn't and can never be. . . I thought I had convinced myself. . . But telling myself one thing, is far different from truly feeling it.
I know the reality. . . there is and never will be an 'us'. . . you've made that clearer than crystal. . . So why do you do what you do? Why haven't you let me go? What is it about this game that is so much fun?
It's not fun for me. . .
I get a glimpse into the "what could be" and then it's gone in a flash to be replaced by the truth of the situation. Help me understand why. You have a clear view.. You're looking through a lens that only you can see through. I don't understand you. The situation. Or why/why not me.
What do you want from me? With me? I can tell you right now that I don't know what it is about you that I'm drawn to. I wish I wasn't. Then all this would be so easy. Chalk it up to those feelings that just won't go away.
Help me understand. It might end up helping you understand as well. Then maybe I can walk away once and for all. And then maybe you can let me.
I want to stay. I want you to want me to stay. But not like this.
Two years and counting. . . Of hoping. Of wishing. Of hurting. Can we finally get down to the bottom of this?
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